7 Minutes in (Prevention) Heaven
I was driving my fourth grader to school the other day and I said to him, “I have to get home and get set up for a podcast episode as soon as I drop you off.”
He asked what it was about and here is how the conversation went:
Me: Alcohol! We’ll be talking about why it is best not to drink before 21 and the risks of providing alcohol to your kids underage. Hey, do any of your friends ever talk about alcohol?
Him: No.
Me: What about vaping?
Him: Nope.
Me: Weed or marijuana, anyone saying anything about those?
Him: Nah.
Me: Does anyone say anything about porn? (I mean, at this point I am on a roll.)
Him: Hmmm… nope.
Me: Do you know what porn is?
Him: No.
Me: OK so porn is short for pornography–do you know what that means?
Him: No.
Me: OK so porn or pornography is….
I went on to explain that it is photos or videos of people's private parts, or people having sex, and that sometimes it can pop up by accident on videos or online when you aren’t even searching for it. I explained that if that happens, he needs to tell me and he won’t be in trouble because algorithms are trying to expose young kids to this stuff and it happens all the time. (Common Sense Media came out with a report recently showing 54% of kids ages 13 and younger have seen porn online. This infographic has more stats and talking points.)
As I got his agreement in sharing if he is exposed to pop up porn, it was our turn in the drop off line. I told him he can get pizza for lunch, I love him, goodbye, have a good day, and off he went to start his Tuesday at elementary school. Watch out for surprise naked photos and enjoy that pizza for lunch, all wrapped up in a 7-minute car ride to school.
I mean… am I just a “wild prevention lady” or what?
So THEN I had the podcast recording and I was relaying this story about how I didn’t plan this conversation with my kid at all but it just kind of happened to our guest and colleague Beth, from partner agency, Holcomb Behavioral Health Systems. Beth went on to share that when her daughter was around the same age, she came home asking about sex noises based on a video a friend was streaming at the bus stop. She had a similar conversation with her kid. So that made me feel a bit less “wild” and like, ok this is parenting now. Porn safety talks with elementary kids because THIS IS OUR LIFE NOW.
However Beth pointed out the same thing that I often feel, which is that we have to have these conversations now because all of this “stuff” is starting so much sooner. Fourth grade now is not the fourth grade I (and likely you) experienced as a kid in the early 90’s. I also never (ever!) talked to my parents about drugs or alcohol or sex. Another point we discussed is if you can have conversations about topics like sex and drugs in casual ways it will make your kids more likely to come to you to talk about these things and ask questions–instead of fact finding on google or watching a video on YouTube. And isn’t that the overall goal?
The conversation we had with Beth for our podcast episode was a great one and touched on all these topics and more. It will be posted on our podcast page, episode 28, if you want to listen. But I guess my point is we have to keep holding our faces and bringing up things first, before our kids, so then we are opening the door to future conversations.
What are things your kids have asked you lately that surprised you? I would love to hear from you! Email me at cdziembowski@dtownctc.org.