“The Thing” Worked…FINALLY!

I consume a good bit (some may say an obscene amount) of parenting content. Many of the tips and tricks I read and listen to have similar themes, but oftentimes I find myself in situations where I am doing “the thing”, and it just doesn’t work. Like at all. Maybe this has happened to you? However, last weekend I did “the thing” and it actually worked. In real life. With my kid. Finally! Here’s the story:

I had to take one of my children* to the pediatrician for a well visit appointment which included getting routine vaccines. The last time this child had to get a shot the experience was not pleasant… and not just in a “tears and let’s get a treat on the way home” kind of way, more like in a “caged animal behavior requiring multiple nurses” kind of way. Knowing that I did not want a repeat of this experience, I decided to take a cue from Dr. Jennifer Benjamin and the skills she taught at our October Parent Speaker Series. The main points were to focus on keeping myself calm and doing lots of preparation and practice, and I felt these to-dos could apply to this situation.

Four days before the appointment I told my child they would be getting shots and it was a must do. They said, “Whatever, I'll be fine.”

I said, “Well the last time we did this it was kind of rough so why don’t we come up with some ways to make this go better this time? Let’s think of some ideas together?”

Was I met with a super enthusiastic, “Okay Mama! Thank you so much for thinking of me and my anxiety and helping me manage it. You are the best!” 

Nope. Not even close. But I would not be deterred! I explained that we can do hard things and we should prepare what we could do to have more success this go around. So every day leading up to the appointment I repeatedly asked, “Hey, have we thought about what we can do to calm our body to get our shots? Should we read a book? Take a fidget toy to play with? Listen to music? Count out loud?”

Each time I brought it up I was met with eye rolls and what I refer to as “the sigh of disdain”...and no ideas shared. But I kept at it. The night before I explained we needed to solidify our plan and asked what they wanted to do. I also shared a time when my own anxiety crept up on me in a situation and looking back, I wished I had prepared more for it. We decided we would take a book and a fidget and use one of those to hold and/or look at and not look at the needle at all.

The big day arrives. We go to the appointment with our supplies in hand. Before we get out of the car we do a few rounds of deep breathing together to calm ourselves (in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4). We go in and have our usual exam and then it's time for the shots. My child hopped up onto the table, chose to hold the fidget and just stared at their hands rapidly pressing the pop-it toy while I sat beside them with my arm around them. My kid was silent and cried to themselves but sat still as a statue. I told them I was so proud of them and that they DID IT. On our way to get a celebratory treat I asked, “How did it feel to do it this time?”

My child said, “I still didn’t like it, and it still hurt my arm, but it was whatever. I’m glad it’s over.”

I thought to myself, “I’LL TAKE IT.” This was a win in my books.

So I guess the moral of this story is even when it feels like, “Is this ever going to pan out like the last slide in the Instagram post graphic or as the expert is telling me?” I am here to tell you—sometimes it does! It’s a marathon of consistency…a mind bending, exhausting marathon, but I would say totally worth it. 

*I am purposely keeping which of my kids I am writing about vague here since the internet is weird and permanent and, even though it is unlikely, I don’t want to invade their privacy or have this come back to haunt them later in life.

P.S.--our Podcast is LIVE! Go here to listen to Episode 1: Not my kid is not a thing!